A Follow-up on Mark Sanford

So he used state money to finance his sleazy fling while refusing stimulus money. He cheated on his wife who basically ran his gubernatorial campaign. He his four sons on Father's Day. Yes, it's Spitzer/McGreevy/Edwards all over again.

With one big difference.

The fact that Mark Sanford is a Republican doesn't make his circumstances any different than the many, many Democratic politicians who cheated on their spouses. I live in a state whose former governor put his gay lover, an Israeli sailor/poet, on the state payroll as the head of homeland security. I live right next to a state whose former governor who transported his mistress prostitute over state lines. Both these men were Democrats, so I can't be all holier-than-thou towards Sanford. Because, you know, that's his job.

The unfortunate edge that James McGreevy (who, by the way, lives right here in Plainfield) and Eliot Spitzer have over Mark Sanford is that, unlike Sanford, McGreevy and Spitzer do not belong to a political party that has spent the better part of these past two decades obsessively branding itself as the party of "family values." Sanford played no small part in this; in 1998, he voted to impeach President Clinton, calling his affair "reprehensible" and saying that "I think it would be much better for the country and for him personally to resign."

And now Mark Sanford stands up there, weeping to South Carolinians to let keep his job.

If Mark Sanford is any bit of a man, he will personally apologize to Bill Clinton for attempting to punish him for affairs that were none of anyone's business. He will admit the blatant hypocracy of his stance that gay marriage will "destroy the sanctity of marriage."

Family values my ass. Mark Sanford has made it clear that Argentinian pussy overrides any family values he may once have had. And on Father's Day, of all days. Meanwhile, that liberal elitist Barack Obama was giving speeches on the importance of fathers as a role model, while continuing to show the country that he is a fiercely loyal father and husband. Mark Sanford could really take a lesson from that arugula-eating socialist.

Governor Sanford's Magical Adventure (Or, Appalachian Fail)

South Carolina Governor Mark Sanford disappeared a few days a go, leaving many in the state confused and frightened as to the whereabouts of the person who is supposed to be running the state. Not even Sanford's wife and kids knew where he went. So yesterday Politico reports a staff member coming forth with Sanford's mysterious location: now that the legislative season is over, Governor Sanford decided to pack up his things and spend a few days connecting with nature on a nice hike down the Appalachian Trail.

Sounds charming. Hell, I could use a nice hike right about - wait, WHAT THE FUCK?!?!?!

So let's say you're in elementary school or high school or whatever. Your teacher hasn't shown up for class in days. Nobody know where this person is. Though the concept of repeatedly missing classes sounds enticing, the concepts of summer school and a report card F bring you back to reality. Then, one day, the principal walks into the classroom just as you're throwing a paper airplane at the hapless substitute and Brian is feeling up Heather from under the desk and Tyrone just busted a cap in Lorenzo's ass (this is a very diverse school). Your principal tells all you goofballs, sexual deviants and convicted felons that since the midterm season is over, your teacher has decided to skip work and stroll on down the Appalachian Trail without informing anyone. Don't worry, says the principal, she won't be fired. She'll be returning in a few days to continue to make a big deal over how her class doesn't need any of the school's chalk and then quietly taking the chalk anyway when no one is looking.

WHAT THE FUCK?!?!?!?

If Mountain Mark had any other job - whether it be janitor or postman, real estate agent or airline pilot, tax attorney or corporate vampire hunter - he would get a stern telegram reading "LUCKY FOR YOU, NOW YOU CAN HIKE ALL YOU WANT." I mean, don't the people of South Carolina deserve a government that is always looking out for them and whose leader doesn't go wandering off just because the legislative season is kind of slow? At least in New Jersey we know that it is unlikely that Jon Corzine will start wandering through the Pine Barrens - oh shit, that image is scary.

Update - Turns out he wasn't hiking after all, but rather he was sailing in Argentina. Even though it's, you know, winter there. Point is, Mark Sanford is a really weird dude.